"Mourning" the Marathon

Perhaps mourning is too dramatic ... sad that the race is over? Okay, that's a little better. Now you must think I'm crazy! I'm sad that a race is behind me?! Well, yeah, I am. I've gone through so many weeks of training leading up to the marathon and yet when I first started the program I wasn't even thinking of running that race. I was scheduled for some half marathons and just wanted to be ready.

But after registering for the Portland Marathon I became excited for the possibility of the completing the impossible in my mind. As it got closer the nerves built up more and overpowered the excited-ness. I had never run 26 miles in my life! I missed that week in training as my schedule got flip-flopped. The most I had done was 23...so I knew I could do that. What's another 3 you ask?...a lot actually!

People ask me how I'm feeling after the race and how it went. I actually had an awesome experience and truly loved every moment of it! Even the crazy uphill climb of the ghastly St Johns Bridge at Mile 16/17. I made this race fun for me. I had to, or else ... no, there is no else ... I went into it telling myself to stay positive and keep yourself energized. I've done the training and this was my "victory lap"!

Okay, so I'm sure you're wondering about the sadness part. Well, this "impossible" goal was met and conquered. Now what? It's like I want go back and experience that feeling of accomplishment again! What's next that will give me that same positive high that this marathon gave me? An ultra? Do I dare set myself up to train for something above 26.2 miles? Right now that's the "impossible" dream I have.

Has anybody else ever experienced this before? Am I really this odd? Crazy? Completely off my rocker?

Sigh.

I'm a marathoner!!!

Okay, seriously, if you would've told me a year ago or even the beginning this year if I ever thought I could say that, I would've laughed!  I was still hesitant running half marathons, but now enjoy those races.  I've been training since February 2011 with a local Galloway Training Program group here in Portland and met with them every Saturday running all over Portland.  And then finally it was Portland Marathon weekend.

The whole experience was amazing!  I've heard some people have had bad experiences during their first marathon and even while I was running the race someone told me that usually at Mile 20 and 21 people hit their walls and struggle to finish the last few miles.  I have gotten used to not listening to music as I run, but had my iPhone with me the whole time.  I even text a few people!  I got an update from my friend Nic after her race in Denver and I let her know my progress.  As I was running though I try to keep it entertaining and interact with the spectators and talk to some of the runners I'm near. 

Interacting with specatators ... how does one do that you may ask?  There were a couple times I would pass by lines of people standing by and cheering, so I would take a running leap in the air and they would cheer louder!  I figured that if I could do this after Mile 19, I was doing pretty good!

As I was nearing the end of the race, around Mile 24 I realized that I was going to finish in the time I had estimated ... around 6 hours.  I then thought, to just finish the race by walking the rest.  That would be the left side of my brain trying to be sneaky!  I didn't fall for it.  I kept up with my 30:30 pace and ran/walked the rest of the way and finished with a 6 hour 9 minute time!!! I was thrilled!  I of course was crying, but soon found some of my fellow Galloway runners. 

Oh, and talk about after race schwag! A medal, a finishers shirt, a running coin, a charm/pendant, a rose, a space blanket (to keep warm) and a tree seedling!  The entire race was so much fun and I'm very happy with what I've accomplished!  I may even run it again next year!

And I do feel some soreness, but after sleeping for 12 hours, I went to work today with no problems.  I had scheduled to stay home, but felt energized and kept thinking what would I do all day?  I know most people would say "relax!", but I couldn't.  I went to the office and enjoyed the day!  I even wore my race finishers shirt!

Overall this past weekend was more than I ever imagined possible!!!!

A bit late...but this songs for you

lyin' here with you so close to me
it's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
caught up in this moment
caught up in your smile

i've never opened up to anyone
so hard to hold back when i'm holding you in my arms
we don't need to rush this
let's just take this slow

just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
just a touch in the fire burning so bright
and i don't want to mess this thing up
i don't want to push too far
just a shot in the dark that you just might
be the one i've been waiting for my whole life
so baby i'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

i know that if we give this a little time
it will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
it's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

so baby i'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight
no i don't want to say goodnight
i know it's time to leave, but you'll be in my dreams tonight

*some of the lyrics from Lady Antebellum's "Just a Kiss"*

Middle of the night thoughts

"I'll make sure to keep my distance. Say I love you when you're not listening." - Distance by Christina Perri

Sadness = Dreaming about you and then waking up alone.

Just tell me to go away so that I can stop thinking about you.

It's amazing how one simple beep of my cell phone can brighten my day as I see it's a note from you.
I miss you and yet I barely know you.

"I don't trust myself to be enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you." - Stephanie Meyer

I'll pick myself up, wipe the dirt off my hands and legs and begin again. I've done it before and survived and I'll do it again and again.