"My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes...

I say that to comfort myself during these times that try the soul." Anne of Green Gables sure knows how to express one's self when things are crazy and sad. Over the Christmas weekend I drove to my mom's and then we traveled to see my grandparents at their home in Klamath Falls. A few weeks ago they were placed in an assisted living home, and when I saw them in their new place, I was saddened.

I love my grandparents and childishly thought they'd always be around. But life has a cruel way of shoving reality back in my face. My mom is actually going to be moving into their home within the next month and taking care of them ... permanently! This means she'll live even further away from me.

I think I've gone numb from everything cause I'm not reacting how I thought I would. At least on the outside I'm calm and collected and factual, but inside I can hear myself screaming...trying to get the outside me to show some sort of emotion, but it's a constant battle.

I know one of these days it'll happen and I'll just have a day or so of uncontrollable tears, but for now, I'm just quiet.

Some may have noticed I'm not being very talkative online, and this is why. I don't have much to say and honestly don't feel like posting anything. I'm still around, but blending into the background.

I'm truly thankful for my friend Trish and my boss. They have been my outside/non-blood related family source of thinking out loud and not letting things fester.

I'll keep ya posted on the health of my grandparents, my mom's move and when/if the first tear falls from my eyes. In the meantime I have work to distract me and a half marathon to prep for ... le sigh

silence

I scream, but no one hears me.
I cry, but no one sees my tears.
I blend into the crowds so no one sees me in pain.
I become invisible and watch the world go by.
I wonder if anyone will notice.
I wonder when I will reappear.
I wonder when I will grow up and do something about it.
I wonder.