Grandma passed away shortly after midnight on Sunday, March 18, 2012, and when Grandpa found out he shut down. He's refused to eat or drink and now lays in a bed and we wait for him to join Grandma. She passed away while at home and surrounded by loved ones. Though Grandpa is mostly sleeping throughout the day, we don't want him to be alone. I took the train to Klamath Falls on Tuesday afternoon and have spent most of my time here sitting next to him.
Grandpa was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and has been in severe pain, but is now on round the clock care to get morphine every 2 hours and the nurses here at Plum Ridge have been awesome to keep that routine.
Today is about day 5 of him not eating or drinking. He's rapidly losing weight and as I said, now sleeps the majority of the time. Yesterday when I was here he would at least open his eyes or awaken when they changed him or gave him pain meds ... he no longer does that. I fear it won't be too much longer that he'll take his last breath.
This may seem morbid to some, but on Thursday I went with my mom, uncle and aunt to the funeral home and watched them put Grandma's body (which was in a wooden box) into the crematorium (is that what it's called?). I wasn't here when she took her last breath and I wanted to say my final goodbye. My cousin Marcia reminded me though ... it's only her body in the box, not her spirit. I was thankful I was there and the image doesn't haunt me, but comforts me in a way.
I've extended my trip here and at this point not sure when I'm going home. I've brought work with me and have gotten some of it done, but mostly sit and read. His breathing is a comfort and I'll miss it when it stops.
I appreciate all the kind messages, thoughts and prayers from everyone. It's a tough time and just when I think I can't possibly have anymore tears, new ones stream down my cheeks.
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