A bit late...but this songs for you

lyin' here with you so close to me
it's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
caught up in this moment
caught up in your smile

i've never opened up to anyone
so hard to hold back when i'm holding you in my arms
we don't need to rush this
let's just take this slow

just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
just a touch in the fire burning so bright
and i don't want to mess this thing up
i don't want to push too far
just a shot in the dark that you just might
be the one i've been waiting for my whole life
so baby i'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

i know that if we give this a little time
it will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
it's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

so baby i'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight
no i don't want to say goodnight
i know it's time to leave, but you'll be in my dreams tonight

*some of the lyrics from Lady Antebellum's "Just a Kiss"*

Middle of the night thoughts

"I'll make sure to keep my distance. Say I love you when you're not listening." - Distance by Christina Perri

Sadness = Dreaming about you and then waking up alone.

Just tell me to go away so that I can stop thinking about you.

It's amazing how one simple beep of my cell phone can brighten my day as I see it's a note from you.
I miss you and yet I barely know you.

"I don't trust myself to be enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you." - Stephanie Meyer

I'll pick myself up, wipe the dirt off my hands and legs and begin again. I've done it before and survived and I'll do it again and again.

Someone call IX-I-I !!!

Have you ever wondered how you'd react in an emergency situation? Over the past few years I've realized that I stay pretty calm and actually take charge a bit. At least recently I have.

Today was one of those instances. I was walking back into the building where my work is at the same time 2 gentleman were leaving. I noticed they kept looking over there shoulder at the ground they got closer. I glanced over at what they were looking at and noticed there was a woman on the ground sprained out with her bags laying next to her. I asked the men if they had seem what happened and they indicated they had just stepped off the elevator.

I went over to the woman and stood above her saying "ma'am? ma'am?", but didn't get a response. So I crouched down and started to shake her shoulder a bit and repeated "ma'am? ma'am?" a bit louder. Finally she started to breathe heavy and I she came to. I was about to walk into the nearest office when the receptionist from that place walked out. I told her to call 911 as the lady had collapsed. While she got on the phone several other people appeared (oh and the 2 guys from before, yeah, they left right after I took charge) and they started to get her talking. I stood in the doorway while 911 was called so I could provide information as to what occurred and at the same time trying to get the fallen lady to stay down. She kept wanting to get up, but we insisted she stay where she was until the emergency crew arrived.

Thankfully we don't have to wait long as a fire station is a block from our office and there is typically an ambulance that stays close to it. They arrived in less than 5 minutes after being called and I gave them the run down on what occurred. After seeing I wasn't needed any longer and not wanting to be in the way, I made my escape.

I'm not sure what happened to the lady, and I hope she's okay. She had told us she hadn't had anything to eat in a couple days and felt lightheaded and then blacked out.

I hope emergency situations don't occur too often in my life, but it's good to know I keep my head on straight and don't panic.

on the wings of antici ...

wait for it ... PATION!!!!

I'm getting very antsy for this coming weekend. It's the 6th annual Disneyland Half Marathon and my 2nd year running it. This year my goal is to finish the race in 3 hours and receive my Coast 2 Coast medal! I'll receive that medal when I complete this race cause I also completed a race earlier this year in Walt Disney World: Princess Half Marathon!

Ok...time out...I know my last entry said I was going to do a trip report on my recent venture to Seattle with my coworkers. Well, I lied ... but not intentionally! Things just got busy with work and running that I haven't taken the time to write about it. There are pics up on my FB and Flickr account, so just look there and you'll see all the fun we had!

And ... time in! I do plan on keeping this blog updated with this weekend's festivities, though it may be short and sweet posts. There's tons to do in only a 3 day trip! See friends and family, go on at least Space Mountain (very high priority!), run a 5k, run a half marathon, have my celebratory strawberry ice cream from the Gibson Girl on Main Street in Disneyland after completing the half, and finally ... ride Space Mountain again!!!!

Better get to sleep now. Have another regular 12 hour workday tomorrow and want to get some rest.

Have I mentioned how excited I am? :-)

SPACE MOUNTAIN!!!!!!

Coming soon ... trip report

I got back home a few hours ago from an overnight trip to Seattle.  It was an all expenses paid trip with everyone at work and their significant others ... well, two of us didn't bring anyone, so there was a total of eight people.  We went to the Seattle Mariners vs Boston Red Socks game Friday night and then did a bit of shopping/exploring this morning before taking the train back home.  I'm a bit tired right now, so I'm going to crawl into bed.  But I plan on posting a more extensive report about my trip up north tomorrow.  Pictures and all! 

wordless wednesday

Words added 08/26/11: You can get the backpack at the Disney parks, but I got mine through Amazon.  This is my costume for the 2011 Disneyland 5k over Labor Day weekend! 

They also have a Chewbacca backpack :-)

The tortoise and the hare ...

Tuesdays have become one of my favorite days. It's cause I know when the clock says 5 p.m. I'm out the door! I work a lot, you see, and leaving at that time is very rare for me. But every Tuesday I have track workouts at a local high school and it starts at 5:30 and it takes me about a half hour with traffic and parking to get there.
Anyways, I've been going to track for quite a few months now and have come to accept the fact that I'm the slow one. I'm always the last one done and am usually passed by my fellow track runners quite a bit. I've been okay with that cause I'm still new to the running thing and eventually one day I plan on being faster then I am now and hopefully not the last across the finish line.
Today though I forgot to keep my reminders in my mind, ignore Lefty (left side of my brain, and focus on my running only. This is because 4 new people showed up and ran a pretty fast speed. Even with newbies I was still the slowest. I need to block that out. I need to concentrate on my goals.
I felt good after track tonight, but since I've been home for the last hour, I've grown sad. I had a recent death in the family, found out a friend also experienced the same thing, and I really miss talking to a certain person. I'm thinking we're on two totally different pages in completely different books. Perhaps something will change, but for now, I wait.

wait, what?! huh?!

I got distracted, which made me lose focus, and that led to the self-doubt and self-hate talk creep back in and latch on. That's my guess as to why Saturday's run was brutal for me and I just wanted to stop. I pushed myself through it and even though I walked for about 5 miles, I still completed a 19 mile route.

BUT I have to regain control. At this moment I'm okay with not "having a life". I'm okay with my schedule being work and running only. I'm okay that my only day to sleep is Sunday. I'm okay with this because I need to be. I need to complete these goals. I need to show myself that I can accomplish an impossible goal I've set for myself.

No more distractions. That's not to say I will forfeit the activities I have planned in the next few months ... no way! Just means that certain distractions need to stop and I'm not going to allow them to tear me down again.

My motto this year is:

"I am the only me there is, and I'm worth the time, effort and dedication necessary to succeed."

The pain and sweat that running has made me go through is what I've been needing for quite sometime to feel good about myself. Clothes that were snug or too tight to fit/wear before are now loose and comfortable on me! I've come a long way and nobody, not even me, is gonna make me stray from the course I'm taking.

????? miles per hour

I feel restless tonight. My brain seems to be thinking and contemplating about a gazillion things at a rapid pace. Part of me is excited that I have found a passion for something that is very good for me, but another part wants me to calm down! I'm sure I've annoyed just about everyone I know with all my running talk, but I can't help it. Running is who I am now ... it's what I do and love!

What I really want to do is talk to other runners and ask them questions such as:

* how did you get started in running? Was it an easy decision or was it tough to begin?

* Is there a certain mileage point where you begin to battle yourself at stopping or continue on? How do you get past the negativity of the left brain? What gets you to keep going?

* How in the world do you train for ultras?! And how in the world do you keep the stamina to keep going during them?!

There is so much more I want to know! I feel like a child that is thirsty for knowledge and can't get enough of it in books.

I have all these goals looming in my mind and afraid to voice them in fear of being told it's not possible. I never thought me running in any sort of race, specially a half marathon was possible, but I've obviously proved that wrong!

* Does the feeling of being a race junky ever go away?

* Does the desire to run every diminish? --- I HOPE NOT!

My mom told me after she started running a few years ago that it really saved her life. I thought that was awesome, but never really understood what she meant till I began my own journey with the activity. I have to say I agree 100%! Running has helped me immensely and I'm very thankful for those who have inspired me to begin. It's a life changing thing and I want it to continue.

My running group is doing 17 miles in the morning. The longest I've ever gone is 13.1 ... a half marathon. So when I hit 13.2 I will probably rejoice in the fact that I can do this! Those 4 extra miles will be tough, but I'm looking forward to them! To a new goal and a feeling of accomplishment.

wordless wednesday