Anybody seen my smile?

My smile has disappeared, and it's not because I'm sad or in a bad mood, it's cause it physically hurts to smile right now!  Don't laugh! If you laugh I start to laugh and then my lips hurt real bad....crap! don't quote Napolean Dynamite when your lips hurt cause it just causes more pain.  At this point you are prolly wondering "how in the world did you do this to yourself?! ... crazy!".  Well, I'll tell ya...

This past Sunday I was going out in the morning and decided to put on some lipstick that I haven't used in awhile.  It's the sort of lipstick where you put on the color and then follow with a sort of clear chapsticky stuff to help the lipstick stay on all day.  Reminder! this is not my first time using this.  So I go about my business and drive into town and as I'm standing in a store talking to people I realize my upper lip starts to feel tinglely and puffy ... like I've given myself a fat lip somehow.  I stay in the store and remain talking for about an hour or so, but when I get back to my truck I look in the mirror and realize my upper lip looks like it got punched!  Nothing is helping the pain ... Burts Bees, water, ice cream, nothing.  Sigh.  I do some research and am advised by some sites that I should use Blistex at night and Vaseline during the day. 

I went to work yesterday and in looking at me, you can't tell anything is wrong, but man, I could tell.  People kept making me laugh or smile and it hurt! REAL BAD! mur

Today my lips still hurt.  Actually it's more my upper lip, but I have to take little itty bitty bites of food cause it hurts to open my mouth.  I'm drinking all my coffee and water through straws and I'm constantly applying vaseline to my lips. 

Okay, so I just thought of another way to describe this pain.  It feels like when your lips get severely chapped from being out in the cold cold icy wind all day and you forgot to put chapstick on them.  When the day is over your lips are in so much pain.  That's what it feels like.

Anybody have any home remedies or tricks to help?  If after a few more days of no relief I will go see my doctor, but for now I want to see if the blistex and vaseline will help/do the trick.

Power Outage 2011

So this pic was taken with nothing covering the lens. Usually I have quite a bit of light from the street lamps outside my bedroom window, but since about 3:20 this afternoon, I've been without power! In fact, my entire town is in blackout mode. We had a pretty severe wind and rain storm earlier that toppled several trees into power lines and I read that the main road in and out of my town was blocked due to a mainline being on the road. Yikes!

At one point even my cell coverage was out! Made me have to come up with other things to do that didn't require power. I did the following: took a nap, read two different books, fed my cats their wet food (so it didn't spoil) and read some more. The later it got I had to light a candle and read that way. Goes to show that I can survive without electricity, and my phone/Internet, but did think, what if there's an emergency! I have no way of contacting someone...though I do have neighbors so I could talk to one of them.

Thankfully my apartment stays pretty warm as the heat hasn't been on and I am actually pretty toasty. I also put on extra layers and have 2 cats that's are basically portable heaters.

So now I'm going to try and venture to the restroom cause, yeah, well you know ... and then try to sleep.

Really hoping the power is on by morning or else I'll be getting ready for work at work!

Disney World Princess Half Marathon

Every step was definitely a trial during this race! I went into this with not the best of training as I should've had. I am thankful that I completed the Family Fun 5k the morning before as it was a good warm up to the half marathon.

At 6:15ish am, I crossed over the start line on Sunday, 2/27/11. I was pumped! Ready to run the 13.1 miles to the finish line. The race started outside EPCOT and trekked towards the Magic Kingdom, going into that park and looping around so that it allowed us to run through the entrance to Cinderella's Castle. After existing the park the route went back towards EPCOT and it was on this stretch where doubt, fear and exhaustion started to take over.

"Just walk over to the side, sit down and have a cry. Then pick yourself up, call a race person over and ask to be driven to the finish line." this is what my me was telling me to do. To just give up. I had about 4 miles or so left at that point with the sun beating down and still needing to go over the last two dreaded uphill off ramps. At the top of the first off ramp I could see the pace cars in the distance and about panicked. I started to pick up my legs and eventually caught up to my mom who had started in the corral ahead of me. We ran into EPCOT together and crossed the finish line at the exact same time! I had done it! I had finished this crazy race!

Tears immediately formed in my eyes, but honestly it doesn't take much for me to tear up these days.

I am excited to say that I have signed up for the Disneyland Half Marathon in September this year in an attempt for the Coast-to-Coast medal. I do plan on training to prepare for that one and don't ever plan on being in a race where I haven't trained. Cause believe me, it's no fun!

Final times:
Holly 3:21
Mom 3:30

Another Family Update

I've been getting daily/weekly calls and emails from my mom as to how it's going with my grandparents which I'm vert thankfully for. Though I've been asked to not blog specifics about the daily happenings that my mom experiences with her folks since moving in with them. I respect that and will only let you all know somewhat non-specific info.

My grandma's dementia is rapidly increasing and she has less moments of knowing who anyone is. She is constantly transported into the past, but every so often will have a moment of clarity and remember who my mom is.

My grandpa is doing much better since returning home, though there were moments with him as well with the adjustment to my mom being there. He's eager for spring to start so he can get back outside to his garden.

So for now, this is all I can share. I'm hoping to get back to there house in March and praying the snow leaves soon so I can get over the pass safely. Thank you to everyone that has sent me kind and uplifting words as well as your thoughts and prayers.

Take care.

In my next blog update ...Walt Disney World Princess Half Marathon 2011 !!!

Family Update

As some of you know, and if you ready past posts, the family aspect of my life is crazy.  Well, within the last 30 days it got even crazier.  First of all, just to refresh your memories, my grandparents were moved into an assisted living home as my grandma has developed dementia and her and my grandpa basically stopped eating.  My uncle and aunt live on their property and have done the best they can to take care of them, but it was too much and sustain full time employment. 

I went and visited with my mom for Christmas and saw how sad it had gotten with my grandparents losing so much weight and my grandma not remember who any of us were most of the time.  After long talks and brainstorming, my mom decided to quit her job and move in with them to provide 24 hour care in their home.  We are hoping that getting them back into their own environment will help.  I went to their house this past weekend and helped my mom clean their house before they came home.  It was a very long and tiring ordeal, but finally they came home on Friday. 

Here's where I start to cry because we went to visit them on Thursday and my grandpa said he hasn't seen me in years!  I was just there at Christmas! He had forgotten and when we went to get them on Friday he kept asking my Aunt Barbara who I was and that I look like Paula (my mom).  He didn't say these things in his typical joking ways and was very serious.  Finally after a time of us visiting, it came back to him.  It's hard for one grandparent to forget who you are, but for both of them to do this was one of the most difficult things for me to face.  Dementia is a very cruel disease and I sympathize with anyone who has had to deal with it. 

I have the highest respect and love for my mom as she begins this new chapter in her life and pray for her everyday as takes care of her parents.  I love my grandparents dearly and can't imagine my life without them.  I'm going to do my best to visit them often, and it's a 5 hour drive one way.  I should look into taking the train.

I hope to post more updates on their progress now that they are home and want to say thanks to those I've poured my heart and tears out to ... you know who you are. 

"My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes...

I say that to comfort myself during these times that try the soul." Anne of Green Gables sure knows how to express one's self when things are crazy and sad. Over the Christmas weekend I drove to my mom's and then we traveled to see my grandparents at their home in Klamath Falls. A few weeks ago they were placed in an assisted living home, and when I saw them in their new place, I was saddened.

I love my grandparents and childishly thought they'd always be around. But life has a cruel way of shoving reality back in my face. My mom is actually going to be moving into their home within the next month and taking care of them ... permanently! This means she'll live even further away from me.

I think I've gone numb from everything cause I'm not reacting how I thought I would. At least on the outside I'm calm and collected and factual, but inside I can hear myself screaming...trying to get the outside me to show some sort of emotion, but it's a constant battle.

I know one of these days it'll happen and I'll just have a day or so of uncontrollable tears, but for now, I'm just quiet.

Some may have noticed I'm not being very talkative online, and this is why. I don't have much to say and honestly don't feel like posting anything. I'm still around, but blending into the background.

I'm truly thankful for my friend Trish and my boss. They have been my outside/non-blood related family source of thinking out loud and not letting things fester.

I'll keep ya posted on the health of my grandparents, my mom's move and when/if the first tear falls from my eyes. In the meantime I have work to distract me and a half marathon to prep for ... le sigh

silence

I scream, but no one hears me.
I cry, but no one sees my tears.
I blend into the crowds so no one sees me in pain.
I become invisible and watch the world go by.
I wonder if anyone will notice.
I wonder when I will reappear.
I wonder when I will grow up and do something about it.
I wonder.

Vacations are the awesome!

I am currently thousands of feet above the ground ... literally! At this exact moment I'm sitting in an airplane on my way to Orlando, Florida for a fun filled 11 day vacation where I will meet up with some of my best friends at Walt Disney World! It's becoming a tradition that every first weekend of December the DPN gang get together at WDW for World Holiday. It's always an amazing trip and I'm excited to get back into the parks.

And of course my faithful sidekick/traveling companion ABC is with me! I got a travel pillow and fastened it to my carry-on to provide him a chair. I even kept him on there while strolling through the airport. And yes, I did get some odd looks from people but who cares! He provides great snuggles for these long flights. The seat next to me is empty so at the moment he has his own seat on the plane! But after I'm done with this entry I'm going to turn the wi-fi (free currently on Alaska Airlines) off and try to take a nap.

I'll post more during my trip and try to update my flickr page with random pictures :D

all by myself ... don't wanna be

Today was one of those days where I felt lonely. Not without a friend alone but without a someone someone alone. I don't think it's cause it's the holiday season ... it's just something that happens every once in awhile. Nothing to be alarmed about. Nothing I want to discuss or asking for sympathy/pity about...just needing to throw that out there.

Goodnight moon.

Disney World Princess Half Marathon

... let the training begin!  After finishing the Disneyland Half Marathon I decided that I want to experience the route in Disney World.  And what better way to do that then to wear a tiara while crossing the finish line!

I've already registered and will be traveling to Florida February 25th through the 28th.  This also means that I'm back on my no sugar diet.  There will be moments that I'll enjoy a little sweet dessert, but for the most part it's no sweets for me!  So it's back to training for me!