As some of you know, and if you ready past posts, the family aspect of my life is crazy. Well, within the last 30 days it got even crazier. First of all, just to refresh your memories, my grandparents were moved into an assisted living home as my grandma has developed dementia and her and my grandpa basically stopped eating. My uncle and aunt live on their property and have done the best they can to take care of them, but it was too much and sustain full time employment.
I went and visited with my mom for Christmas and saw how sad it had gotten with my grandparents losing so much weight and my grandma not remember who any of us were most of the time. After long talks and brainstorming, my mom decided to quit her job and move in with them to provide 24 hour care in their home. We are hoping that getting them back into their own environment will help. I went to their house this past weekend and helped my mom clean their house before they came home. It was a very long and tiring ordeal, but finally they came home on Friday.
Here's where I start to cry because we went to visit them on Thursday and my grandpa said he hasn't seen me in years! I was just there at Christmas! He had forgotten and when we went to get them on Friday he kept asking my Aunt Barbara who I was and that I look like Paula (my mom). He didn't say these things in his typical joking ways and was very serious. Finally after a time of us visiting, it came back to him. It's hard for one grandparent to forget who you are, but for both of them to do this was one of the most difficult things for me to face. Dementia is a very cruel disease and I sympathize with anyone who has had to deal with it.
I have the highest respect and love for my mom as she begins this new chapter in her life and pray for her everyday as takes care of her parents. I love my grandparents dearly and can't imagine my life without them. I'm going to do my best to visit them often, and it's a 5 hour drive one way. I should look into taking the train.
I hope to post more updates on their progress now that they are home and want to say thanks to those I've poured my heart and tears out to ... you know who you are.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
"My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes...
I say that to comfort myself during these times that try the soul." Anne of Green Gables sure knows how to express one's self when things are crazy and sad. Over the Christmas weekend I drove to my mom's and then we traveled to see my grandparents at their home in Klamath Falls. A few weeks ago they were placed in an assisted living home, and when I saw them in their new place, I was saddened.
I love my grandparents and childishly thought they'd always be around. But life has a cruel way of shoving reality back in my face. My mom is actually going to be moving into their home within the next month and taking care of them ... permanently! This means she'll live even further away from me.
I think I've gone numb from everything cause I'm not reacting how I thought I would. At least on the outside I'm calm and collected and factual, but inside I can hear myself screaming...trying to get the outside me to show some sort of emotion, but it's a constant battle.
I know one of these days it'll happen and I'll just have a day or so of uncontrollable tears, but for now, I'm just quiet.
Some may have noticed I'm not being very talkative online, and this is why. I don't have much to say and honestly don't feel like posting anything. I'm still around, but blending into the background.
I'm truly thankful for my friend Trish and my boss. They have been my outside/non-blood related family source of thinking out loud and not letting things fester.
I'll keep ya posted on the health of my grandparents, my mom's move and when/if the first tear falls from my eyes. In the meantime I have work to distract me and a half marathon to prep for ... le sigh
Monday, January 3, 2011
silence
I scream, but no one hears me.
I cry, but no one sees my tears.
I blend into the crowds so no one sees me in pain.
I become invisible and watch the world go by.
I wonder if anyone will notice.
I wonder when I will reappear.
I wonder when I will grow up and do something about it.
I wonder.
I cry, but no one sees my tears.
I blend into the crowds so no one sees me in pain.
I become invisible and watch the world go by.
I wonder if anyone will notice.
I wonder when I will reappear.
I wonder when I will grow up and do something about it.
I wonder.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Vacations are the awesome!
And of course my faithful sidekick/traveling companion ABC is with me! I got a travel pillow and fastened it to my carry-on to provide him a chair. I even kept him on there while strolling through the airport. And yes, I did get some odd looks from people but who cares! He provides great snuggles for these long flights. The seat next to me is empty so at the moment he has his own seat on the plane! But after I'm done with this entry I'm going to turn the wi-fi (free currently on Alaska Airlines) off and try to take a nap.
I'll post more during my trip and try to update my flickr page with random pictures :D
Saturday, November 6, 2010
all by myself ... don't wanna be
Today was one of those days where I felt lonely. Not without a friend alone but without a someone someone alone. I don't think it's cause it's the holiday season ... it's just something that happens every once in awhile. Nothing to be alarmed about. Nothing I want to discuss or asking for sympathy/pity about...just needing to throw that out there.
Goodnight moon.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Disney World Princess Half Marathon
... let the training begin! After finishing the Disneyland Half Marathon I decided that I want to experience the route in Disney World. And what better way to do that then to wear a tiara while crossing the finish line!
I've already registered and will be traveling to Florida February 25th through the 28th. This also means that I'm back on my no sugar diet. There will be moments that I'll enjoy a little sweet dessert, but for the most part it's no sweets for me! So it's back to training for me!
I've already registered and will be traveling to Florida February 25th through the 28th. This also means that I'm back on my no sugar diet. There will be moments that I'll enjoy a little sweet dessert, but for the most part it's no sweets for me! So it's back to training for me!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Kittie Trouble
Just want to give you all an update on my kittie, Gilbert. He's doing awesome! He's back to his normal self, but getting more and more fluffy. As some of you know from my numerous updates on FB, Plurk and Twitter, he gave me quite a scare when I had to rush him the animal ER.
It was just a normal Friday, 9/24/10, morning. The kitties and I woke up, got ready for the day and as I was putting on my makeup I heard Gilbert start screaming ... literally! He's a talker and everything, but just like a mom knows her baby's cries, I know my cat's meows and this was no ordinary meow. This was a cat in serious distress. He calmed down after a few moments, but when he tried to use his box again the screaming started back up. I immediately called the local ER vet and explained what was going on and they told me he needs to be ASAP because he probably has a urinary block which is fatal if left untreated. So I packed up the little guy and headed across town. He ended up having to spend the night at the facility with a catheter in place. I went and visited him that night and he was very unhappy. I was able to calm him down and he seemed excited to see me, but still expressed his hatred of the place. I picked him up the next morning (Satruday, 9/25/10) and he was heavily drugged so he slept most of the day on the kitchen floor where it was nice and cool. I had to give him some pain meds and antibiotics and thought he was on the mend.
A few days later, Wednesday 9/29/10, I came home for lunch to check on him cause he just didn't seem to be doing that great that morning, and realized he was struggling to go pee. So I took him to the vet's office down the street from my apartment. The immediately checked him in and found that his bladder was enlarged and on his way to having another urinary block. They wanted to keep him for 48 hours with another catheter in place. Of course I did what needed to be done, though it's tough not having him home and Anne really missed him. I visited him that night and he seemed in much better spirits than he was at the ER office. He even purred, but looked really sad.
He came on that Friday and was back to his normal happy self with just walking in the door. He wasn't drugged up or out of it at all and I love this vet's office. They seem to have really taken care of him. He hadn't gone potty after they took out the catheter at the vet's office and when I got him home I took him near his box and he immediately went in and used it! I was thrilled to see him pee and poop! It was sort of like the Tom Hanks League of Their Own potty scene. I even cried cause I was happy to see that he was better.
I had gotten a call from his doctor the day I took him in and they advised that after doing a blood test they wanted to do a blood smear to test him for feline aids and feline leukemia. Of course just the thought of either of these made me cry and extremely worried. About an hour later, the doctor called saying it wasn't either of these, but he did in fact have a blood born parasite most likely caused by a flea and the stress of the blockage disrupted it and making my poor little guy's red and white blood cells to drop rapidly making him anemic. For the past several years, when I moved in with people and he was shut in a room he began losing most of his fur. For several years his back and tail have not been as fluffy as the rest of him. He is now on a steriod pill to kill the parasite and he is rapidly growing his fur back! He's a little fluff ball now and is very happy to be home.
Thank you to everyone that offered their support and messages of concern and love for Gilly. He's my little lovebug ^_^
It was just a normal Friday, 9/24/10, morning. The kitties and I woke up, got ready for the day and as I was putting on my makeup I heard Gilbert start screaming ... literally! He's a talker and everything, but just like a mom knows her baby's cries, I know my cat's meows and this was no ordinary meow. This was a cat in serious distress. He calmed down after a few moments, but when he tried to use his box again the screaming started back up. I immediately called the local ER vet and explained what was going on and they told me he needs to be ASAP because he probably has a urinary block which is fatal if left untreated. So I packed up the little guy and headed across town. He ended up having to spend the night at the facility with a catheter in place. I went and visited him that night and he was very unhappy. I was able to calm him down and he seemed excited to see me, but still expressed his hatred of the place. I picked him up the next morning (Satruday, 9/25/10) and he was heavily drugged so he slept most of the day on the kitchen floor where it was nice and cool. I had to give him some pain meds and antibiotics and thought he was on the mend.
A few days later, Wednesday 9/29/10, I came home for lunch to check on him cause he just didn't seem to be doing that great that morning, and realized he was struggling to go pee. So I took him to the vet's office down the street from my apartment. The immediately checked him in and found that his bladder was enlarged and on his way to having another urinary block. They wanted to keep him for 48 hours with another catheter in place. Of course I did what needed to be done, though it's tough not having him home and Anne really missed him. I visited him that night and he seemed in much better spirits than he was at the ER office. He even purred, but looked really sad.
He came on that Friday and was back to his normal happy self with just walking in the door. He wasn't drugged up or out of it at all and I love this vet's office. They seem to have really taken care of him. He hadn't gone potty after they took out the catheter at the vet's office and when I got him home I took him near his box and he immediately went in and used it! I was thrilled to see him pee and poop! It was sort of like the Tom Hanks League of Their Own potty scene. I even cried cause I was happy to see that he was better.
I had gotten a call from his doctor the day I took him in and they advised that after doing a blood test they wanted to do a blood smear to test him for feline aids and feline leukemia. Of course just the thought of either of these made me cry and extremely worried. About an hour later, the doctor called saying it wasn't either of these, but he did in fact have a blood born parasite most likely caused by a flea and the stress of the blockage disrupted it and making my poor little guy's red and white blood cells to drop rapidly making him anemic. For the past several years, when I moved in with people and he was shut in a room he began losing most of his fur. For several years his back and tail have not been as fluffy as the rest of him. He is now on a steriod pill to kill the parasite and he is rapidly growing his fur back! He's a little fluff ball now and is very happy to be home.
Thank you to everyone that offered their support and messages of concern and love for Gilly. He's my little lovebug ^_^
To all who come to this happy place ... welcome!
Some people might wonder why I go to the Disney parks as often as I do. It's a great place for me and my friends to meet up and just enjoy each other's company and ride some of the best rides out there!
My friend Chris .. aka Canada .. created this video of footage he got from Disneyland and I love how he captured the sights. Me and two of my best friends, Trish and Nic, were with Canada pretty much the entire trip in May 2010 when he shot these scenes so this is basically my vacation video.
2010 Preview from Chris Fisher on Vimeo.
Between this video and the podcast episode from Jeff .. aka the Meandering Mouse .. during that same weekend, it was probably one of my most favorite vacations ever! Check out episode 99.5 on his podcast at http://www.meanderingmouse.com/ or on iTunes. It's hilarious!
My friend Chris .. aka Canada .. created this video of footage he got from Disneyland and I love how he captured the sights. Me and two of my best friends, Trish and Nic, were with Canada pretty much the entire trip in May 2010 when he shot these scenes so this is basically my vacation video.
2010 Preview from Chris Fisher on Vimeo.
Between this video and the podcast episode from Jeff .. aka the Meandering Mouse .. during that same weekend, it was probably one of my most favorite vacations ever! Check out episode 99.5 on his podcast at http://www.meanderingmouse.com/ or on iTunes. It's hilarious!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Good times!
This video still makes me laugh! I got into a little "discussion" with my friend Toast and it was all caught on tape ... with some added editing! Enjoy!
Toast vs Holly from Chris Fisher on Vimeo.
lol
Toast vs Holly from Chris Fisher on Vimeo.
lol
Sunday, October 3, 2010
untitled
I'd call but you probably wouldn't answer and I need to stop dreaming cause it'll never come true
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