silence

I scream, but no one hears me.
I cry, but no one sees my tears.
I blend into the crowds so no one sees me in pain.
I become invisible and watch the world go by.
I wonder if anyone will notice.
I wonder when I will reappear.
I wonder when I will grow up and do something about it.
I wonder.

Vacations are the awesome!

I am currently thousands of feet above the ground ... literally! At this exact moment I'm sitting in an airplane on my way to Orlando, Florida for a fun filled 11 day vacation where I will meet up with some of my best friends at Walt Disney World! It's becoming a tradition that every first weekend of December the DPN gang get together at WDW for World Holiday. It's always an amazing trip and I'm excited to get back into the parks.

And of course my faithful sidekick/traveling companion ABC is with me! I got a travel pillow and fastened it to my carry-on to provide him a chair. I even kept him on there while strolling through the airport. And yes, I did get some odd looks from people but who cares! He provides great snuggles for these long flights. The seat next to me is empty so at the moment he has his own seat on the plane! But after I'm done with this entry I'm going to turn the wi-fi (free currently on Alaska Airlines) off and try to take a nap.

I'll post more during my trip and try to update my flickr page with random pictures :D

all by myself ... don't wanna be

Today was one of those days where I felt lonely. Not without a friend alone but without a someone someone alone. I don't think it's cause it's the holiday season ... it's just something that happens every once in awhile. Nothing to be alarmed about. Nothing I want to discuss or asking for sympathy/pity about...just needing to throw that out there.

Goodnight moon.

Disney World Princess Half Marathon

... let the training begin!  After finishing the Disneyland Half Marathon I decided that I want to experience the route in Disney World.  And what better way to do that then to wear a tiara while crossing the finish line!

I've already registered and will be traveling to Florida February 25th through the 28th.  This also means that I'm back on my no sugar diet.  There will be moments that I'll enjoy a little sweet dessert, but for the most part it's no sweets for me!  So it's back to training for me!

Kittie Trouble

Just want to give you all an update on my kittie, Gilbert.  He's doing awesome!  He's back to his normal self, but getting more and more fluffy.  As some of you know from my numerous updates on FB, Plurk and Twitter, he gave me quite a scare when I had to rush him the animal ER. 

It was just a normal Friday, 9/24/10, morning.  The kitties and I woke up, got ready for the day and as I was putting on my makeup I heard Gilbert start screaming ... literally!  He's a talker and everything, but just like a mom knows her baby's cries, I know my cat's meows and this was no ordinary meow.  This was a cat in serious distress.  He calmed down after a few moments, but when he tried to use his box again the screaming started back up.  I immediately called the local ER vet and explained what was going on and they told me he needs to be ASAP because he probably has a urinary block which is fatal if left untreated.  So I packed up the little guy and headed across town.  He ended up having to spend the night at the facility with a catheter in place.  I went and visited him that night and he was very unhappy.  I was able to calm him down and he seemed excited to see me, but still expressed his hatred of the place.  I picked him up the next morning (Satruday, 9/25/10) and he was heavily drugged so he slept most of the day on the kitchen floor where it was nice and cool.  I had to give him some pain meds and antibiotics and thought he was on the mend.

 

A few days later, Wednesday 9/29/10, I came home for lunch to check on him cause he just didn't seem to be doing that great that morning, and realized he was struggling to go pee.  So I took him to the vet's office down the street from my apartment.  The immediately checked him in and found that his bladder was enlarged and on his way to having another urinary block.  They wanted to keep him for 48 hours with another catheter in place.  Of course I did what needed to be done, though it's tough not having him home and Anne really missed him.  I visited him that night and he seemed in much better spirits than he was at the ER office.  He even purred, but looked really sad.

He came on that Friday and was back to his normal happy self with just walking in the door.  He wasn't drugged up or out of it at all and I love this vet's office.  They seem to have really taken care of him.  He hadn't gone potty after they took out the catheter at the vet's office and when I got him home I took him near his box and he immediately went in and used it!  I was thrilled to see him pee and poop!  It was sort of like the Tom Hanks League of Their Own potty scene.  I even cried cause I was happy to see that he was better.

I had gotten a call from his doctor the day I took him in and they advised that after doing a blood test they wanted to do a blood smear to test him for feline aids and feline leukemia.  Of course just the thought of either of these made me cry and extremely worried.  About an hour later, the doctor called saying it wasn't either of these, but he did in fact have a blood born parasite most likely caused by a flea and the stress of the blockage disrupted it and making my poor little guy's red and white blood cells to drop rapidly making him anemic.  For the past several years, when I moved in with people and he was shut in a room he began losing most of his fur.  For several years his back and tail have not been as fluffy as the rest of him.  He is now on a steriod pill to kill the parasite and he is rapidly growing his fur back!  He's a little fluff ball now and is very happy to be home. 

Thank you to everyone that offered their support and messages of concern and love for Gilly.  He's my little lovebug ^_^

To all who come to this happy place ... welcome!

Some people might wonder why I go to the Disney parks as often as I do.  It's a great place for me and my friends to meet up and just enjoy each other's company and ride some of the best rides out there! 

My friend Chris .. aka Canada .. created this video of footage he got from Disneyland and I love how he captured the sights.  Me and two of my best friends, Trish and Nic, were with Canada pretty much the entire trip in May 2010 when he shot these scenes so this is basically my vacation video. 


2010 Preview from Chris Fisher on Vimeo.


Between this video and the podcast episode from Jeff  .. aka the Meandering Mouse .. during that same weekend, it was probably one of my most favorite vacations ever!  Check out episode 99.5 on his podcast at http://www.meanderingmouse.com/ or on iTunes.  It's hilarious!

Good times!

This video still makes me laugh!  I got into a little "discussion" with my friend Toast and it was all caught on tape ... with some added editing! Enjoy!


Toast vs Holly from Chris Fisher on Vimeo.


lol

untitled

I'd call but you probably wouldn't answer and I need to stop dreaming cause it'll never come true

Father Forgot

Note: this blog post is filled with true emotion and from some I may get a stern talking to or turned away from. But I have to share....I have to be real cause it's all I got.

Quite a few times I will read, watch or listen to something that at the moment I just take it in and don't really comment, but later think back on it and realize I was and still am struck with mixed emotions with what I stumbled across. It's like I need to step back, process, think before reacting, weigh my thoughts and then write it down or talk about it to really figure things out. This recently occurred to me after reading a blog post a friend of mine wrote. I do my best not to put down, or talk behind one of my family members back to a great multitude of people. I have close friends that I will vent to about something in particular, but I really try my best to hold my tongue. That's not to say it might not occur on occasion and for those times I'm sorry to those I may have hurt. With that said, I'm about to reveal some pretty pent up emotions....this is Holly: Uncut.

So I read said blog post in which they had been reminded of a passage entitled "Father Forgets". At first reading their introduction before getting to the lines of verse I was excited and glad to see that a new father wanted to do his best and be an amazing dad to his little boy. To that I applaud you! When he gets older he will definitely appreciate you taking the time wanting to be a part in his life.

I then began reading the passage and afterwards discovered I was both saddened and angered at what I had read. This was due to the fact that I felt slighted on having a positive father in my life. I'm sad that I don't have many father-daughter moments and upset at the things recently said to me by this man. How dare you make me feel not good enough! How dare you make me feel that I'm not worth anything! How dare you tell me to my face that since one of your other children wants nothing to do with you that there is no point in living! I feel like an idiot for allowing you to tell me that and not sticking up for myself at that moment! Yes it's terrible that we've all been pushed away, but sometimes in life people make choices that may be difficult to take but there are sone of us that wish you would see us just as valuable.

Father Forgets is a must read for any parent ... so, go! read it! learn from it!

I'm thankful for a select few men that have been present throughout my life that have filled some of the void and even more grateful for being blessed with a mom that made me feel and know unconditional love!

So to all you dads out there...take time for each of your kids. We all matter and all need to feel special and loved.

death to sugar!

... Well, not really, but I have made a decision to continue with my "no eating sugary snacks" plan. I will admit that I have a pint of vanilla ice cream in my freezer, but I'm not devouring it. In fact I allow myself about 3 spoonfuls a night with an added shot of limoncello. That is seriously good stuff! And this won't be an all the time snack.

Why have I decided to continue this? Well, I'll tell you. Since May 22, 2010 I have lost 26 pounds! I also feel my energy level has increased and my crabbiness has decreased! I allowed myself my 2 sugary treats at Disneyland AFTER the marathon and that was it. I'm going to begin my weekly walks again (been giving myself a short break to recoup from the race) and want to start training again for more races. I'm thinking I might try for the Disney World Princess Half Marathon in February 2011.

Oh and I will only on specially occasions eat sugary snacks, but will be careful not to overdo it. I'm feeling better and have goals to make!